Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ordinary Zazenkai

Fractal Tree
Fractal Tree, Dresden, 2010

Today was my first zazenkai since the March retreat. I'd missed the last one on account of the excellent trip to Germany that spawned the Parsifal posting. This one was, yet again, different from the others.

It was ordinary. 

I was just sitting there, with thoughts coming and going, sometimes being able to concentrate a bit, sometimes not. It didn't hurt much, the dharma talk was funny, and it was nice to go to daisan. Now I'm home.

Until now, these more intensive forms of practice have felt a bit like ordeals; I've been sort of assaulting them and fighting my way through them and then feeling triumphant for coming out the other end alive and sane. This was was just a zazenkai. Not particularly boring or unpleasant or difficult, nor was it particularly enjoyable or easy. No great insights, no titanic internal battles. Just sitting there as the world drifts by.

I think I kinda like it.

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