Ostrich Roses, Dresden, 2010
I tend not to deal very well with April. I can totally relate to T.S. Eliot and those lilacs breeding out of the dead land, although I'm more like
April is the cruelest month, breedingSomething like that. Plus, it feels long as a famine year. We're only halfway through today, and it feels like it's been going on since January, at least.
dog turds out of dead snowbanks, grinding
diamond grit from asphalt, wounding
dull minds with barbed sunlight.
I've tolerated this one a bit better than most, though. The excellent trip to Germany is a part of the reason, I'm sure. Zazen helps too. It's not being a lot of fun, and one thing that's happened is that my sitting practice has gone totally stale. I hate it. It's boring, I can't seem to be able to concentrate, and I just count the minutes until the half-hour (or twenty-five minutes, or whatever) is up.
But if I skip it, it sucks even harder. I guess that means I've devolved from... whatever, to bompu Zen, just sitting in order to drag my sorry ass through another day.
Zazenkai is coming up on Sunday. I'm dreading it a little. All of a sudden, seven hours of practice seems awfully long, although I just survived 48 hours last month. I've always felt better afterward, though, even when I kinda hated sitting through it, so I'll be going if I don't catch the cold Joanna's been having, or something.
Only another two weeks and a bit, and it's May.